OK, I give....

...yep, I give...the question is though, do I give up or do I give more...more of myself, more of my time, more of my energy, more of my emotions...I know many teachers, especially Special Education teachers feel this way and often ask this question.  In special ed, we can get so used to working so very hard for a seemingly disproportionate return from our students.  Yet, we get excited, we celebrate, we get more and more energy, (and then often give more and more) from these little victories.  That was at least how it was for me for 7 years.  I worked with hearing impaired kiddos (or peewees as I call them) at the elementary level.  I would work so hard and extend so much energy, and they always, in some way showed they appreciated it.  Now, I am at the secondary level, and give and give and give, and the recipients aren't always so thankful.  Or at least they don't show it.  I didn't realize that a seemingly minor component would impact me so much.  I never got into this for the thanks or to be recognized. I did it and continue to do it to make a difference.  Isn't that part and parcel to being a teacher?  Now I find myself sometimes so very drained, having given so much, and gotten very little back.  I didn't realize how much it could impact until I found myself having one of those days that if someone/anyone had said "Thanks"  for anything, whether they knew me or not, would have made a difference, my energy would have started to increase.  I would have even taken a "thanks for helping to keep up the  natural Carbon Dioxide/oxygen exchange of the environment by breathing."  Yep, that would have brightened my day.

So, with that feeling in me, I have found myself again giving more than I thought I could.  But lately, I'm starting to question if I'm not giving more than I should...now I'm dealing with kids that are almost of an age that they can legally drive, vote and be sent to war.  They can make their own decisions.  If they chose not to do homework, nothing I say, do or accommodate will change that.  If they chose to ignore instruction, by sleeping, talking or listening to their i pod, that may not be something I can not change.  Are all my extra efforts, assistance and hoop jumping helping or hindering?  Am I helping to create a monster or am I helping to create a masterpiece?  A person that has had their hand held so much that when they get out of school, life is going to not be kind, maybe even seemingly target them.  Someone who feels entitled to far more than what life is willing to give them.  Am I doing them a disservice?  Do I give up knowing, yet not fully accepting, that nothing I do can make an impact?

Or am I creating someone who has had help and compassion shown to them that will then bless this world with one more person who seeks to make it a better place for others.

...so I'm left to wonder, do I give more or give up?    ...I give....