...In helping to complete an interview recently in which I recalled my high school experience, I realized that those are some of the most powerful words there are...you see...I learned them myself when I went to a private, parochial school. I was one of 63 girls who were accepted to this particular school. It was challenging, rigorous, demanding and wonderful. Challenging, rigorous and demanding are probably fairly obvious descriptions for this setting and situation. It was wonderful as well, not only because of the quality academics I studied, but also the study skills, time management skills, and responsibility I learned. The biggest skill I took away though, was the ability to think critically. I know "critical thinking" has become popular lately, perhaps tied to the focus on standardized testing, but I thought critically before it was popular, before it was "in vogue," before it was "the thing successful people do."
I had a religion teacher, Mr. L., one year who bestowed this invaluable skill on me. His class was after my English class. This English teacher , Dr. M., was a staple at the school. There was no way to get through the school without having her. She had a commanding presence...and an "anti-whining button" that had a red circle and a diagonal line through the word WHINING. We students sweated through her class. We cried through her class. We prayed through her class. We prayed through her class. We prayed through her class some more. We fought for every point we got. After one particular assignment we left her class and headed to our religion class with Mr. L. We were "discussing," as only a group of teenage girls can do, how frustrated we were, how much this teacher lived to make our lives miserable, how much she hated us and wanted us all to fail. As we continued our "discussion" session, Mr. L. just sat there. At a moment when we all paused to take a breath before starting in on more ways we were wronged by Dr. M., he calmly said, "So what are you going to do about it?" WHAT?! We said collectively. He repeated, "So what are you going to do about it?" For the life of us, we did not know what he meant. (Letting the air out of her tires certainly seemed like a viable option, of something we could "do.")
He continued, saying that we were obviously not happy about the outcome of our efforts on our paper. Perhaps we should entertain the idea that there was something we could do to make the situation better. He quickly added that this may not mean an improved grade. Perhaps, we could ask Dr. M. what she feels was the main issue with the paper. Perhaps we could ask her to help us in the area(s) of weakness. Perhaps we could ask for an opportunity to earn extra credit. Perhaps after getting extra guidance from her we could redo all or part of the paper and have her review it to see the improvement, so that our next attempts were better. I'll never forget what he then said, "Make no mistake, there is something you can do."
He then informed us that we were always welcome to bring in questions, comments "discussions" (AKA complaints) to class where we could collectively discuss it, BUT if we were bringing a challenge, we MUST also bring a minimum of 3 solutions to the challenge. He then gave us a model of how it was to work. "I'm so angry/frustrated about ______________! I think it could be better by: A____________, B_____________, or C_____________." We were stunned, we were not allowed to just complain? Nope. We had to help find a solution.
At first, it felt plain silly. We even followed the script. Then we would change and adapt the script to fit the challenge of the moment. It became a lot less contrived. As we continued, our minds were coming up with solutions we never had thought possible. As we progressed, we would help provide more possible solutions for each other. Our solutions became much more fine-tuned. We were more adult and confident in our solutions. Sometimes, our solutions ended up being the best solution to the challenge, and sometimes it didn't; regardless, we had contributed in some way. It worked in school, it worked at home, it worked with friends.
I have carried that lesson and still find myself going back to it to help myself put things into perspective and get my mind working in a manner that is looking to be part of the solution, not add to the problem by complaining. As I have gotten older and been exposed to many challenges, I see the value in Mr. L.'s lesson. I use this with my students. I even used it at the elementary level. It never ceases to amaze me how fast it stops someone in their tracks, and forces them to start thinking differently. It's powerful to watch them realize the power in this lesson.
In regards to anything that has you upset, or you want to change, let me ask "...so what are you going to do about it?"
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